Woman’s Passions

“Second marriage is a victory of hope over life experience” - an old anecdote states. And as we all know, many a true word is spoken in jest. As you already signed a petition for a divorce once and promised yourself on oath: “Never again!” But you still dared to walk twice into the same water again, and celebrated another wedding just recently. So, here you are - welcome to the second marriage!

 

Marriage, regardless of index number, is still a marriage. And this means, you will have to face problems of all newly wedded: coexistence and household, family budget, relations with relatives, views on child upbringing and etc. But in addition you will also receive many other problems in your second and following marriages. Such as:

 

- Negative experience, which we mentioned in the beginning of this article already. Sometimes this experience can be so negative, that you are just crazy about it. Of course, you forgot many things with time, but not everything. And you examine your new darling under a three-power microscope. What if he starts behaving like your ex? By the way, such experience represents a trouble not only for women, but also men. My girlfriend, who became a second wife of her husband, complained me recently. “I have only to put on a strict business costume or scold him because of his socks he left all over the place, and I hear at once: “You behave exactly like my ex-wife!” I’m afraid of telling him a word, not to resemble her”.

 

By our second marriage we usually already know for sure what we want or don’t. For example, we don’t want us to be criticized, banned to communicate with friends or work. But we also often mix our real wishes with fear to walk twice into the same water. And to a rather ingenuous husband’s request to cook a dinner, we snarl at him: “So you want me to become a housewife?!”.

 

- Old habits.  You had a negative experience, but it was also positive from some points of view. For example, you always took charge of a family budget, and your ex-mother-in-law was just an angel, living in other region. And you’re wondering sincerely that now you have a combined budget, and mother-in-law lives overhead and has a character, far from angelic. And a treacherous thought occurs to you: “May be, previous marriage was better?”

 

You should better forget this thought, and you will have to humble with new problems and rules of the game. If it’s too difficult for you, then try to write down pluses and minuses of your new marriage on a sheet of paper. Do you see more pluses, than minuses? Great.

 

-         “He’s not the first and not the last one”. We were inspired that we should marry once and for the whole life. But now we know for sure, that this is not true. And if the first divorce was the most difficult period in your life, then second one is treated much easier. And you even can arrange a celebration of a third one.

 

We treat marriage easier and are not so afraid of parting already. Well, I can divorce again, what should I be afraid of? And we should be afraid of losing our man, probably, the only one, destined for us.

 

-         Everything will be ideally. Admit, the first fry was bound to be a flop. But you won’t lose this time. You revised your behavior and realized your mistakes and failures. You became mature and wiser. You’ve been examining your new darling and checking your feelings for a long. And now you’re sure - everything will be ideally. But here’s a problem: first quarrels and scandals, offences and lack of mutual understanding, discords and conflicts. In general, everything, you’ve already passed before, and what, finally, led to a divorce. Now you doubt already: may be this is wrong man again? Your illusions have come to naught, and family life is collapsing together with them.

 

In fact, it does not collapsing, it’s just starting to. And, it’s quite natural, that you will face some problems and discords. But now, with your experience and wisdom, you will be able to solve all conflicts with minimum harm for both sides. And will keep your family happiness.

 

-          Things, left to us from previous marriages, bring us biggest problems. Someone received a house on the seashore and a decent dollar account, and someone receive a heap of debts and stable hatred towards opposite sex. As luck would have it. But there’re things, left for all divorced people:

 

Still, ex lover and ex husband are rather different categories. And if firsts disappear from our life one and for ever, the seconds can stay in it for quite a long time. And appear in it in most unexpected and inappropriate moments. “My ex husband married my present husband’s sister, and they bought an apartment in the same house! - one of my girlfriends complained, - what shall I do now?” And you shouldn’t do anything. Just relax and allow your ex to go his own way. As soon as you let him go and stop treating, as your ex, but still husband, you will be able to see him almost every day, and this won’t bring problems to you.

 

I’m still on friendly terms with my ex husband’s sister. My mum just adored her previous son-in-law, and gives a hostile reception to a new one. All my friends are still waiting, when we become reconciled, and cannot believe I’ve got a new life now. Is this situation known to you?

 

You can understand relatives: they was getting accustomed to your previous man for rather a long period, came to your wedding, made friends with him and considered him a family member. And even treated him better, than you - this is quite popular situation. And now you want everybody to forget about him and accept a new person the same way.

 

Don’t hurry to spoil relations with your relatives or foul your ex-husband’s name. If they love him so much - allow them communicating with him, this is their right. The only thing you should do - is to protect your new man from their criticism and comparisons.

 

If something in his behavior doesn’t suit your relatives, they can say this to you t??te-? -t??te, but not in his presence.

 

Children from previous marriage - is a very difficult and serious topic, worthy of separate article. It’s just impossible to understand all details and nuances in one paragraph. You should only remember: there’re ex husbands and wives, but there’re no “ex children” and parents. And if you have a new husband now, this doesn’t mean a child has a new father. And your man’s children will not have to search for a new dad, as their father met other woman. Understanding of this simple rule will help to avoid lots of problems.

 

??¦ When I was a little girl, I was dreaming to marry at least 5 times. It seemed to me, that this is very interesting and merry. When I grew older, I was terribly afraid that my dream could come true, and wanted to marry once and for ever. But I failed. And now I start understanding that there was nothing so terrible and abnormal in my childhood dream, and that a second marriage - is not always so bad. In most cases - it’s good.