Parents often complain about their children: “He / she is doing everything in defiance!” But children “defiance” does not arise out of nowhere! It is always a reciprocal effect on parents’ actions. It turns out, we are to blame …

Naughty children. Family is the source of all

There exists a long-standing pedagogical wisdom: “Everyone - both good and bad - a person receives in the family.” And it is difficult not to agree here. For a family is the world where a child comes from birth, and which he is linked to for all life.

The process of family education has 3 important properties: it is continuous, prolonged and stable. Can you say the same even though on some sort of public educational institute? You can’t.

Family education is longer than any other educational process not only on the time of exposure, it also has wider range of influence than many others. Family for a child is actually a model of society. In family a child receives first acquaintance with everything in life: spiritual values, rights and responsibilities, life plans, motivation, behavior, attitudes, relationships between people.

What’s more important, family education is more emotional in nature than any other education. Therefore, family education affects deeper than other. And its results are firmly secured in a child’s personality, almost like instincts.

In general, when a child is at cross purposes, do not hurry to scold him, look for the cause of his actions in miskakes of your education. There may be several causes.

Powerful parents and naughty children

Most often children of powerful parents are at cross purposes. That is their unique way of psychological protection against parental authoritarianism. They do so not because they want to do otherwise, but because they do not want to obey your will. And then their deeds may be unreasonable, illogical, inexplicable - only in order to prove you are not omnipotent, you have no power over them, that they are able to resist you.

How do authoritative parents act most often? “Do what I say!” - That’s the whole principle of education. They are those who argue parents’ word is a law, they do not consider it necessary to explain, they believe there is an inviolable rule, which all must simply perform, without compromise or exception. And very often such parents humiliate children in order to secure unquestioning obedience. However, brushing self-esteem, limiting the rights and freedoms, it is difficult to achieve good results in education (and even impossible). And, thank God, if children of such parents act in defiance. Hence, they have a strong personality, able to fend for themselves.

So, let powerful parents be happy for child’s defiance. It would be worse if their authoritarianism killed a child’s personality, and he would no longer resist their will. Learning to blindly obey authority of parents, children become easy to obey any other authority, not always positive for them.

Bad example is contagious

When your child acts in defiance, give honest answer to the question: “Maybe it’s you became an example for such behavior?” Maybe you act in defiance of a husband / wife, mother-/ in-law, friends, after all, your child? ” It may be that a child is simply copying your demeanor when grandstanding, insisting on his own, not caring about common sense.

Educating in a family happens every second and only 10% during parents’ educational activities and 90% indirectly, through monitoring parental actions in a family and outside it. Of course, it is difficult to admit one’s own mistakes, but if you want to achieve a good result in children upbringing, you have to do it. And not only that. You will have to carry out self-education, first of all to get rid of grandstanding manner, otherwise there is no hope your child will change.

Are you a gravitas?

Another reason a child is acting in defiance of parents - lack of parental authority. Suppose you have no control, not an example of action in defiance, but your child still strives to make his own way, not as it seems right to you. Here it’s time to think about your credibility, because without authority the process of education is impossible.

Parental authority is not a given thing. It will not exist only on the ground you are a parent. Parental authority must be earned. The later you realize you do not have credibility with your own child, the harder you will gain it. But it is not hopeless.

Contrary to non-substantive

Children often act in defiance not on merits of what is happening, but on some occasions, concomitant: bad mood, fatigue, not enough sleep, hurt, upset. It is therefore very important that parents in their desire to achieve something of a child would also see their own child. Children’s stubbornness may be not due to external circumstances, but dictated solely by his internal state. And you will have to first understand a child, help him in his important matters, and only then return to the solution of what was important to you.

Advice for naughty children’s parents

1. Stop being authoritative parent. Exclude a clerks “must” from communication with a child. Take time to explain. And let a child himself say this “should”

2. A child is your mirror. It is not always obvious, but if you look … What you do not like in a child, first correct in yourself.

3. Be strict and good at the same time. All educational activities should be done exclusively with love, not from the standpoint of common sense.

4. Never insult, humiliate, beat a child. Neither noble goal justifies ignoble means.

5. Leave a pause in conversation with a child for making independent decision. Do not expect an instant action from him. Give your child time to be alone with himself.

6. Do not forget about sense of humor. When you realize that conversation leads to conflict, find a reason to joke. And the situation will be changed dramatically for the better - you’ll see.

7. You will not achieve rapport with a child, if you do not give him time. And not when you need to achieve something from a child, but when you can just be together - whisper, embrace, spend interesting leisure time.

Children’s “defiance” is a wake-up call for parents. It’s a pity most parents understand it as an excuse to attack a child. But this is a children’s plea for help, protection and love.