It is easy to sort out our mistakes, when love has ended, but not easy to understand relationship secrets, when love is still ongoing. Much of the suffering and frustration are caused by the fact we are not careful in the beginning of a love relationship.

What kind of mistakes are these?

We ask a few questions.

Imagine you decided to buy a new refrigerator. You specify a certain number of questions and only then pay the money. You must be sure you are making the right purchase. However, many of us, choosing a love partner, do not ask any questions.

Relationship secrets. Why, falling in love, we do not ask questions?

We believe asking too many questions is unromantic.

Julia broke off relations with Jet, when she learned he had a tendency to beat his women. They dated almost a year, during which he several times fell into a rage, but did not hit her. When this happened, and Julia decided to leave, Jet said this happened to him before. “I am ashamed to admit, but I do not know anything about his past. When I asked questions, he turned everything into a joke, but I did not want to be boring. Now I understand he just avoided the answer, but I was not insistent. ”

Perhaps, asking your partner questions is not very romantic, but it is the only reasonable way to find out about the person as much as possible. We do not want to hear anything unpleasant. After a series of fleeting relationships we find a man ready to marry. Being afraid to destroy a dream, we avoid an unpleasant fact.

We fear the partner will also ask us questions. When we are dissatisfied with our present or past, we switch on a subconscious system of self-defense. We do not ask a partner questions, as if saying to him: “I do not touch you, and you do not touch me.”

Leslie experienced a severe trauma in childhood. Being twelve years old, she was raped by her stepfather, and this lasted until until she ran away from home. “Now I understand why my life was full of men, which I knew nothing of. I was afraid they too would begin to ask me questions.” She chose men whom she could do without the emotional closeness with. She was afraid the partner would be frank with her, and she would have to disclose her secret. After that, he would denounce and abandon her.

It is desirable to gather detailed information about a partner in the following areas: family, relationship with relatives, former love affairs and the reasons why these connections failed and what lessons he learned from his failures of love, ethics and values, attitudes toward love, marriage, spiritual or religious philosophy, personal and professional plans.

We ignore warning signals.

Have you ever blamed yourself that you did not pay attention to the warning signs in your relationship with your lover? Sometimes it happen that, looking back at the experience of personal life, you see something not understood before?

If we answer these questions affirmatively, then the warning signs coming from a partner are not unnoticed. But we prefer - consciously or subconsciously - to ignore this warning.

Relationship secrets. How do we do it?

- We belittle the value of a signal. “No, actually he is not an alcoholic, just likes to drink at weekends, and even not much.”

- We condone a partner. “Yes, she is too jealous and meddlesome, but it is her ex-husband to blame. He was unfaithful, and she felt insecure. ”

- We are trying to rationally explain a partner’s behavior. “It would be foolish if he now would begin to look for a permanent job. He should wait until he finishes his studies. ”

- We reject the alarm. “What do you mean? He treats me absolutely normal, you’re just jealous of my happiness. ”

This is a paradox, but the more we are inclined to goodness and love, the less importance we attach to the cautionary signals. Good people are accustomed to find good in others, trust them. But there comes time to pay.

This trend is one of the most dangerous mistakes in relationship secrets. We do not want to see unpleasant. Thus, we condemn ourselves to disappointment, betrayal and resentment.

“If I knew you so, I would never got in touch with you!” “How you’ve changed! Previously, you were quite different, “- that’s what we are talking to a partner, when recognize his true face.

When we hear about an unhappy end of love story, one can say firmly: the warning signs existed earlier, but were ignored. Love union does not break overnight, it take months or even years, to destroy love.

Mina is going through a difficult break with David. They lived together for three years, and suddenly she learned he dates his former mistress.”I was sure everything was fine. I cannot believe all this is happening. ”

Analyzing her past relationship with David, Mina drew attention to warning signals, which were once ignored.

At a party where they met, David came not alone, but with a woman. He said: “Our relations are almost finished.” After these words, she felt relief because she liked him immediately. BUT - if all was finished, why she came to a party with him?

They dated nearly a month, and David asked Mina to to be together for the first night. On the desk she sees a photo of David: he and a pretty woman are sitting in an embrace on the beach. Mina asked nothing - she was afraid to spoil the evening.

They sit in a restaurant talking about his former girlfriend. They did not meet, but he helps her financially. “You see, Mina, I’m just naturally a reliable man, I help friends in trouble. It’s not so easy to slam the door behind a person I lived together for four years. “With these words Mina trembled inside, but she did not want to quarrel with him.

Seeing her past relationships, Mina understood clearly: David repeatedly made her clear he was not going to part with his ex-girlfriend, but she refused to see these signals.

Relationship secrets. How to deal with warning signals?

Each of the parties enters into loving union with his emotional control. One is unable to meet someone who does not give absolutely no warning signals. The main thing - ask yourself the following questions.

What does this signal mean? Can we cope with this problem? If you are ready to resolve potential problems, ask yourself: is your partner ready to this?