Woman’s Passions

How many troubles fall to a woman’s share! Taking care of a house, bringing up children, making herself a carrier - we have no time and forces on all this. A husband’s help is useful. But, unfortunately, this happens not always. Now it’s not a rare thing, when a man stays at home and doesn’t work, being his wife’s dependant, and she has to work for two. But a husband left his work against his will most often - he was fired or dismissed. How to resuscitate him? You know, discharge is a serious shock not only for men, but for us, women, too.

Have you ever heard what men are talking about while staying alone? Of course, about work, and then they can talk a little about women, cars, fishing, hunting, beer… But most often work is more important for them, than make of car, quantity of children or money, as it is the only mean, with which help they can gain a foothold, provide themselves and their family, gain authority.

For majority of men probability of losing work is a man source of fear. And when it happens, our strong husbands fall into deep depression, and no encouraging admonitions can lead them out of this state. According to psychologic researches, men stand even death of close people calmer, than personal crisis in work. This way they differ from us so much. If a woman suddenly lost her job, then it’s not a disaster for her yet, as she also has many values and interests, which she can occupy herself with: these are children, house, knitting and garden. Well, what a man can fill this time with? Of course, he can go fishing, hunting, repair a car, apartment, finally. But if he has no hobby and doesn’t want to do anything, then what? Moreover, hobby is like an occupation after work. It won’t bring self-reliance and self-respect to a man.

Such situation, when a husband lost job, serves as a testing of love for each other and connection between a man and woman. The simplest situation is when a husband lost his job recently and has not found another one yet. If a husband has a wish to search for a job, then he will find it sooner or later. But all the same a high-strung and strained atmosphere prevails in a family. It’s quite understandable that a husband is nervous during forced idleness. It’s worse, if a wife gives in to this neurosis. Instead of providing him psychological support, she pushes the panic button and starts racking her husband. And he now bears a double burden: searching for work and calming down his worrying wife. Of course, this doesn’t contribute to keeping of healthy atmosphere in a family.

But there’s also a situation, when a man doesn’t want to work at all. He takes refuges in various excuses, like it’s difficult to find a decent job or that his boss didn’t value him and that’s why he decided to fire, and, may be, he should wait until he find a decent job etc. And here everything depends on things he wastes his time on. If he loafs his time away along apartment, watching TV, drinking with his friends, then it becomes impossible living with such man, and family is doomed. But there’re men (and there’re few of them), who turn all their unspent energy to a family. While a wife is working, they sit with children, go shopping, wash and cook. In general, this situation is not so bad. Such men - are attentive husbands and careful fathers.

“In my family there was a period, when my husband lost his work after their factory became bankrupt. Friends, whom he applied for, couldn’t help him. To tell the truth, I’ve never seen him in such condition. He rated all my persuasions, that he can have some temporary rest, trying himself in something new, as gibberish. I understood how difficult it was for him only when I noticed he was not sleeping at night anymore, he was just lying and looking on the ceiling: he lost interest to life, and felt apathy to everything. This way it lasted for a month. Probably, this is what they call a depression. After 8 years of successful work unemployment and otioseness turned to be a monstrous shock for him, which he wasn’t ready to accept.”

Very few people can brace up and start acting in such situation at once. In general, people start suffering from feeling of loneliness, apathy, spite on themselves, other people, irritability, inferiority complex develops in them. And these qualities do not allow acting and changing situation to better. Period of searching for a new job is very painful for a fired one. This is not a case, when a person is dissatisfied with his work and searches for a new one at the same time. You know, many men do not admit their material and psychological dependence on anybody, and forced unemployment and search for a new work make them to appear in a role of suppliant and be supported by their wives. And this feeling is very unpleasant: as, to their opinion, this is a sign of weakness.

Well, what about wives? In such case it turns out that weak women should support their husbands through sympathy, caress and tenderness. First of all, we, women, should understands, feel our husbands’ soul states and be patient. On no account bug, blame or humble him - it is already hard for him. You’d better distract him from grieving and feeling sorry for himself. It would be good to busy a temporary unemployed husband with home matters - now it is that moment, when he can fasten everything he couldn’t fasten before, disassemble, repair etc; you can drag him off for a walk, enthrall with some sport. And the main thing - you should help him in his search for work actively. Activate all your contacts, look through newspaper and TV ads. Search for people, who can help your husband to get fixed up in a new job. And we do want to believe that your husband’s tone will rise after it, and he will want to retake his place in the sun, and not “drowning his grief in wine” and feeling sorry for himself.

Well, it turns out that a man’s soul state in many aspects depends on us, women. And only love and wisdom will be your true helpers in it. You know, who is more interested in a husband’s success on work, than his wife? And no other than a wife will help him to achieve this success. When a man feels support, understanding and love - this is the greatest stimulus for him. So show him you love him, believe in him, and then you will manage to do everything together.