My boyfried and me have been living together for 1,5 year, althout we’re dating for 5 years already. In general, everything was ok, but since recent time some problems appeared. Earlier, when I didn’t like something in his behavior, manners or actions - I made no complaint

“My boyfried and me have been living together for 1,5 year, althout we’re dating for 5 years already. In general, everything was ok, but since recent time some problems appeared. Earlier, when I didn’t like something in his behavior, manners or actions - I made no complaint. But a moment came, when I got tired of it, and I told him about my resentment. Instead of reforming or at least thinking about my words, he says me the same phrase: “If you don’t like something, you’re free to go…” Now I suffer from constant nervous break-downs. I’m so devastated, that just don’t know what to do: shall I leave him or try to regulate relationships? My heart is silent”.
We’re so often trying to guess someone’s wishes to please him, behave the way he would like. We don’t argue, keep silence not to offend other person and keep relationships. And relationships are kept and developing. Of course, other person thinks that he has finally found his soul mate! But it’s impossible to keep in our real emotions and feelings, and little by little our real “Ego” runs the blockade. Quarrels and scandals appear. And partner is wondering sincerely: what’s happening? He keeps on doing same things, as earlier, and your reaction becomes different…
We’re so engrossed in our wish to please, that we absolitely don’t think about our own likes. And further we fall into our own net. As they say, disappointment - is an underside of fascination. Imagine: to please your partner, you suddenly start leading very active way of living, attend all events with him, watch only his favorite films. You miss meetings with your friends, give up your hobby, as it seems to you that your man won’t like it. Bit little by little relationships become stabilize and you understand you lost yourself completely. Suddenly you find out lots of minuses in him, they irritate you, but you were always silent to keep your relationships…
We make premature compromisses easily. We change our values, style of behavior and habits easily, hoping to reach harmony with a partner this way. But here we are speaking about timeserving, if there’s a temptation to give up a part of our life to create an illusion of absolutely unclouded relationships. Since the very beginning we refuse from our “Ego” for the sake of false feeling of love harmony. We waste our emotional resources on losing situations too often.
Relationships are formed mutually: everyone brings in his contribution to their formation. If people treat you the way you don’t like, it’s necessary to find out the way you approve, provoke or allow this, as they do what you taught them to: they know which actions are rewarded and which are not. If behavior brings no result, then it stops.
How it usually happens:
He promises to call you and doesn’t call in appointed time. When you manage to reach home, closer to night, he says he’s tired, exhausted and forgot to call you. How should you react to this situation? The easiest way is to keep silence and avoid conflict. But this way you provoke your loved one to such behavior in further. You give him a silent permission on disrespect for your feelings.
Second variant: you can tell him what you don’t like in his behavior and inform about things you’re expecting from him. He may not like it, but you determine your position in this question clearly. Now it’s his turn to choose. If he’s not ready to refuse from such behavior towards you, this means he’s not ready to be with you - and again this game is over. You receive the attitude you ask about.
Since the very beginning relationships - are negotiations between partners according to a principle “you give it to me and I give it to you”, i.e. according to a law of mutual concessions. You work out conditions and rules of your game together. Schedule of negotiations is like the following one:
“A” did something that makes “B” sad. “B” responds to this message either accapting or rejecting it. If it is rejected, “A” can refuse to continue relationships, or change his behavior in a certain way. Futher goes reaction of “B” again. This may continue until relationships turn to be mutually acceptable or exausted. Thus, we always take an active part in creation of relationships.
When in the beginning of relationships you face your partner’s behavior that you don’t like, then you have 2 variants:
1. assert your convictions, risking to lose starting relationships.
2. make a compromise to keep peace.
Most often we face such choice, when there’s no enough compatibility with our partner, we’re so different from each other, that any disagreement can spoil relationships.
Any communication means making compromisses, but if you make a compromise to avoid conflict, then you make a mistake. Relationships are build since the very beginning, then it’s very difficult to change what you’ve built yourself. Relationships that bring joy and pleasure are built on sincerity and acceptance, on inner comfort. So try to be yourself anyway, and treat your partner the same way. Don’t give up your life principles, values, be true to yourself, and then to your partner.