Just yesterday your baby was sitting in a carriage calmly and caused tender emotions. «Ah, what a wonderful kid!» - You heard. And today he seems to have gone mad, and the whole family starts going mad after him… Wait, take your time!

He runs along the flat on his fragile legs and jumps from the sofa, he tries to eat by himself and is stained with porridge from head to toe, but does not aloow feeding himself, he kicks and bites, and cries, clinging to mother’s leg and then pushes you away screaming … familiar picture? Congratulations! You have a first year crisis!

Whether your child is 9 months or 1 year and 2 months - sooner or later every family faces the problem. But despite this, moms and dads are not ready to such shocks. «Here it is, the result of your improper upbringing! You’ve spoiled a child! »- This is just a small part of what long suffering parents have to hear from critical grandparents, and sometimes pediatricians. But in reality, this crisis is an important and integral part of psychological development of personality.

Transition age?

We all know that a child develops slowly, as if moving from one «step» to another. And every such transition is accompanied by obligatory crisis - when a child wants to have more, but still does not know how to get it. Parents also face crisis, as they are not ready for a child’s new demands. And this is like a coin with two sides: poor - crisis comes completely to all children and is accompanied by strong feelings. The whole family suffers. A good side is that the crisis ends sooner or later, and the whole family goes out of it being wiser and more discerning. How to overcome the first year’s crisis with the lowest losses, and most profitably?

What is the problem?

Almost every mother of a two-year old child, while hearing a question: «How did your child behave at 1 year?» will answer something like: «Oh, do not mind …». But if you inquire nicely, they will tell you the following.

Relatively docile and inquisitive boy suddenly turns into a fidget. He suddenly becomes very movable, striving to master whole available territory. Any bans and bounces cause perturbed crying and screaming. His «repertoire» includes hysterics, whims and «art fall» on the floor, as a way to get what he wants. Dressing and undressing turns into acrobatic tricks, a child can not be put to the bathroom, then get out of it, he insistently calls attention when you’re busy, but rushes from your embrace when you try to snuggle him …

Why is this happening?

As we mentioned above, the crisis occurs when there is a conflict between desirable and what is realistically possible for a child. Imagine: before your baby was a whole - first physically, then psychologically - with his mother, and completely dependent on her and other adults. When a baby was concerned, he was crying, so that you could take care of him. He saw something interesting, showed at it - and mom was rushing to the goal. Nice, but a kid still does not understand: where is the end of me and beginning of the rest of the world?

Here’s your baby stood on feet, made the first steps. And he very quickly discovered that, it turns out, now he could get himself there, where he wanted! And he can choose where to go, grab and examine something. It turns out you can eat a very tasty applesauce by yourself, and spit food, if it is unpalatable! And if I’m angry at my mother, I can escape from her … But then it turns out that even if I try to eat by myself, spoon wants to fall down for some reason, and I still remain hungry, and a beautiful ball sneaks out of my hands and runs far away, and pyramid’s rings do not want to be strung … insulting! So where is the end of me and beginning of my mom?… And where a mom will go, if I run far, far away … And if we are not one entity, then what if she suddenly dissapears without me?…

Mom’s crisis …

Unfortunately, it is very little written and said about the fact that mother is also experiencing a crisis of one year. And women, facing the experience, do not know: Is this normal? It is only with me, or may happen with everyone? What happens in a quicky baby’s mother’s soul?

First, mother is worrying because of growing child’s autonomy. Such thoughts like: «Well, I gave birth, feed, cared, and now he does not need me!». But it only seems to her. Even if now a son or daughter can eat a soup and run for rattles independently, it does not mean that they do not need you! Because mother is not just milk and hands you can sit on. Mom - is the main source of security and self-confidence. A kid really is becoming more independent, but his courage is built on the belief that he can count on mother’s protection at any moment.

The second problem - internal conflict between desire for diversity and sense of duty. Mother, tired of monotony of home routine, is happy to go to work, pay more attention to hobbies and friends, but voice of conscience (often in the face of grandmothers, husbands and friends with children) inspires: «A child is too small, and you want to entertain! Sit at home ». Here use a soberly assess, whether a child suffers from communication with a crocked mom and decide how much time you are willing to spend on yourself. A healthy and happy mother - is a healthy and happy child.

The third and most common problem is «bad mother’s complex». When one-year old child is far from angelic, especially in public, a rare mom can avoid the thought: «This is my fault, I bring him up wrong, other children are obedient!». To get rid of this feeling, read the article again and remember the main thing: every one-year-old is capricious, falls to the ground, clings to mother, and dump from everywhere. This is normal, it is necessary for their development.

And yet there is a folk wisdom: a child understands he goes awry. The main problem is that he starts feeling bad and unworthy of mother’s love. It is therefore important to show him that he is loved and that everyone can have such problem. Transitional age will end sooner or later, and peace and tranquility will set in a family again.