Many expectant mothers think about how to educate their children. But just few of them are concerned how to bring up their husbands. However, many, if not all, depends on a wife herself, as she should realize her formative role of women and mother as soon as possible. She can create family relationship after childbirth.

It is sad to note that adult children often do not have emotional, mental, spiritual, and even everyday contacts with their fathers. Adult son or daughter ask their fathers questions about health, matters and internal feelings very seldom. Increasingly, their communication may be confined to request «Dad, give me some money». The gap between bride and husband is not so great, as between a husband and father. Probably, many women thought about their future husbands’ perception of childbirth. Or they dreamed how lucky they would be, if their beloved would turn to be a good father.

We are expecting a child and give birth together

Many women are afraid to discuss small household problems that will arise after childbirth with husband, dream of a son or daughter, choose a name, prepare clothing. A future mom can be concerned only of present, depriving herself and husband of such joyful and light thought, as mutual dreams of a baby.

Many women work until the last moment and copy «business lady’s» style. But pregnancy is not only a hormonal alteration and physiological process, but also a period of intense mental work. Preparation for becoming a mother is not only visiting doctors, attending prenatal courses or choosing child furniture. This is also a reflection on a future role, new responsibilities and changes that must occur in relationship with husband.

Now future dads have an opportunity for more direct involvement in appearance of their offspring into the world. Maternity homes, which did everything possible to disrupt relationship between a child and not just a father, but also a mother, dissapear. Many psychologists believe that father’s absence at the time childbirth can print in a baby’s subconscious, like a formula: «You were not with me, when I felt hard» and then change their attitude. But it is somewhat mechanistic approach. Even being close to the time of childbirth, you can only give tribute to «western» behavior and care more for prestige or simply correspond to a level, to be «right», etc. A formula «be mentally together» is sometimes more than just a physical presence. The most important thing is an emotional involvement, which implies a desire to have a child, and general expectation, and perception of this fateful moment, and one’s new responsibility.

“Three” relationships

Often it happens that childbirth nearly coincides with family creation. It would seem, not the best option: young people do not have time for «bedding», they have not yet reached unwritten rules and family traditions, ways of peaceful conflict resolution. But in this case there is a significant advantage - relationships are immediately built by «three», with a child’s participation, mutual responsibility for his life and well-being. There are also problems, if the spouses have lived long in a childless marriage. Over the years during living only for each other persistent stereotypes of relationship are inevitably developed. So with childbirth they will have to break a lot  in relations between all family members. And only a couple decides, whether they will go on the road to rapprochement, cooperation, reciprocity, a new quality of conjugal love. In fact, there is another path - misunderstanding, strife, rivalry, mutual resentment, jealousy until complete destruction of relationship.

Many men are experiencing stress and quite understandable jealousy to a child. A man may think that wife loves a child instead of him. And a woman’s task is to provide her husband not with a thought that «wife loves a child, instead of me», but very differently: «We love our child together». But a lot depends on the fact whether a woman is able to pay enough attention to her husband after giving birth, whether she has enough mental power to show him her love. We do not call to create greenhouse conditions for a husband, but she still can meet her husband with a child in her arms, say a few warm words: «We’ve been waiting for you a whole day», ask «how’s your work?», «are you very tired?»; kiss him … It does not take much time, but will create a warm emotional background, which will help carrying any difficulties.

A woman’s task is to attract and involve her husband in paternity

With childbirth a young mother totally controls that measure and participation a father will take while child care and upbringing. But it is important to remember that this is not only physical assistance, but rather his involvement in a family life, future emotional connection established between father and his children. In no case say: «I am here with a baby, and you run to the store, bring it, bring that, cook yourself omelet» … «Mother and Child» should not be principals and a father -just «to catch up», in the sidelines. It is much better to say: «Come along to the kitchen, you will hold a baby, and I will cook food»; «It is your turn to change diapers»; «You are tired after work, lie together with a baby, and I will cook a dinner»; «Once you gave me the opportunity to relax last Sunday, I have strength to survive this week».

A woman’s task (good and honorable) is to bring her husband to his father’s responsibilities and involve him in children’s problem: give him the opportunity to decide child’s clothing, temper, whether to call a doctor or ambulance. Feeling responsible for a child, very young fathers become wise. A man should know he is monitoring the situation, that his opinion is believed, that he is a head of the family. He cannot feel it, if you repeat all the time: «You know nothing.. »;«My mom says otherwise … »;« I’m here all day long, and I cannot wait any help from you».

It is important to express your needs in unobtrusive requests and, of course, without a commanding tone. Sometimes you can hear such dialogue:
— My husband does not help me at all, even cannot put out the rubbish.
— Have you asked him about it?
— Well, he should understand this by himself.

We need to voice our expectations, discuss husband’s abilities to help you, even kind of help he likes. In fact, women were like different kinds of household work more or less. Men are even more complicated - some likes walking with a child in the park, and the other is ready to play with toy cars for hours, third changes diapers deftly and fourth washes dishes with pleasure, fifth likes bathing a child and sixth would like to cook something tasty while you are busy with a child. Do not insist that a husband should do exactly what you would like - in practice it almost always turns out that after formal consent a spouse begins miking his duties.

Do not be afraid to talk to your husband about common problems and concerns openly, and you will find a common path to understanding!