You’ve noticed there are repeating events in your life, as if someone operates your acts? Each undertaking as if breaks about invisible obstacles. It seems you are a loser? Try to distinguish the scenario of destiny.

The term «destiny scenario» was entered by psychologist Eric Berne – founder of transactional theory analysis.

What is the scenario in its usual understanding? It is a certain plan, a program written in advance for a play, a film or representation. It appears, as well as at the play, our life has a scenario and an author. In many respects our further destiny is put at different age under the influence of various factors and people.

However, the main script writers of our life are our parents. If you reflect on it and recollect a couple of your acquaintances, you will be convinced of justice of this statement.

Let’s result an example typical for this situation. A careful mum says her sickly daughter: «Take care! You are so weak. I do not know even how you can make a family and children!» An obedient girl tries to follow mum’s manuals. Having matured, she still goes on life with a firm belief that she cannot either incur burdens of home life, or give birth to a high-grade child – here you have an unfortunate adult woman without family and children.

Psychologists consider fairy tales heard by us in childhood another important point, which is leaving traces on all further course of one’s life. You will be surprised a lot, having recollected your favourite children’s fairy tale or asked acquaintances about it. Conformity of the hero of a grown fond history, his character, acts, situations he gets in, and your life is almost absolute!

You will see that «Pillsbury dough-boys» slide on life, without meeting special obstacles, but also without being late on something for a long time, “Buratinos” like investing money with hope of their fast growth, “Thumbelinas” and “Mermaids” are inclined to sacrificial love and so on. It appears, an adult person frequently follows those installations, which have arisen in the earliest childhood under the influence of heard fairy tales.

On a way to an exit from a current situation

We make each important act in life either following a set scenario, or independently. You are constantly oppressed by certain circumstances, apparently, fate dominates over you, this means your behaviour is «scenary», as psychologists say. The most important sign of scenary behaviour are frequent repetitions of vital episodes, circulation on a circle.

1. Help of psychotherapist

The best exit in this situation is addressing to a psychotherapist. However, majority of people does not aspire to become patients of similar experts. It is connected with education, culture, we do not like «to take out rubbish from a log hut».

2. Be engaged in introspection

Carrying out introspection is very difficult, nevertheless, each person can make an effort and help himself independently. All of us feel difficulties realising installations we have received in childhood. However, an adult person can quite make such attempt. It is very difficult to make similar analysis independently, and at times is impossible, therefore we advise talking about it to someone.

3. Share with your close one

… with close friend, and under condition of special confidential relations – with brother or sister. Recollect what parents often said to you in childhood and think, how much it has affected your life.…

For example, to little boys they often say: «You are a future man, a soldier. You cannot cry and complain!» At adult age such man is threatened with problems with expression of feelings, he is threatened with neurosis, misunderstanding from outside relatives.

4. Recollect your childhood

Can you tell, what was your first children’s memoirs? Very often negative emotions connected with this important vital moment, are a huge obstacle, brake our advance.

On reception at the psychologist a young woman tells about the earliest memoirs. She is 4 years old, she plays with children, all of them are 1 year senior her and constantly repeat about this. This is not so insulting for her, but for many long years absolutely unconsciously a thought becomes stronger in her: she is slightly worse than others. This formed, beautiful, successful girl constantly feels a certain inferiority, it seems to her that associates surpass her in something.

On a way to perfection

Having defined with what serves as an obstacle, you can be released from the program put in you and which prevents you from changing your destiny. Consider that it is a question only of the most significant events in life – family creation, education, career growth, a birth and education of children. Make some steps which are described below. This will not be simple business, but, having made them, you will feel big changes in your destiny. So, one after another.

1. Having felt repeatability of episodes of your life, analyse the following. What is the general reason of these events? What people take part in them? Perhaps, there is something common between them too? How you react in all repeating situations?

A successful businessman asks a business trainer why he always comes across dishonourable subordinates. A deceit from entrusted people for him – a commonplace. It is found out that a careful mum said to this young man since earliest years: «Be cautious! There are only swindlers around!» So he always employs these swindlers, following mum’s installation. If you can “catch” law, you will understand that the reason of failures is hidden in you, and will be able to break a course of events.

2. Throw excuses: «If only», «I would manage to do it under a condition …» Think that about what has already occurred in another way. Decide that you, only you could do in this or that situation and how it can be used in future.

For example, ten years ago you did not entered HIGH SCHOOL and since then repeat to yourself and associates: «If there were no entrance examinations, I would become a student and a very good one». For certain there are enough such moments in your life. Now think what prevented you from making an attempt to enter the University – laziness, insufficient preparation, uncertainty in yourself, family installations? And how it was possible to act then, so that the purpose would be reached. Make such approach a system, follow this advice constantly and you will see that life does not becomes easier, but your successes increase. Learn to take responsibility for your acts!

3. Do not search for a source of fault of failures either in others, or in yourself and circumstances. Sense of guilt or insult on relatives – the worst adviser. If you, in your opinion, did not have a destiny, do not hold harm on parents – they wished you good to you. Besides, composing the destiny scenario, they have given you protection, tried to protect from negative influences of our severe world with simple manuals.

4. Do not wait for instant results, human mentality – such a difficult mechanism that changes, both positive, and negative, occur in it for years. Observe yourself and other people, make conclusions and remember that all can be done under one simple condition: it is necessary for you to look to your destiny’s eyes and accept it, make friends with it. Having looked back, manage to see not only bad, but also good. Only having understood it, you can be released from oppressive feeling of doom and re-write the destiny under your own scenario.