How to understand whether you have a chance to save relations? Or parting is the best decision? If people live together for a long time, then these painful questions are not rareness at all. Let’s make an attempt to find an answer to them.

As practice shows, a used method to understand relations in such cases is to take a sheet of paper, line it in half and write all good points from one side, and bad - from the other and then look whewre you have more pluses - does not help, as our memory preferentially finds those arguments, which are conditioned by situation sense of disappointment, anger or sorrow.

Analyzing relations through special criteria selected by domestic psychologists and psychotherapists is much more effective. If relationships turn out to be broken on majority from these criteria, then you really can think of parting.

1. Do not live for the sake of him

Insufficient readiness “to live by your partner’s life”. Mood for long, stable relations serves as a criterion of such readiness . If, opposite, a partner constantly talks about parting, makes important decisions, influencing their joint future (for example, change of job) not consulting with a partner, if he does not take into account a partner’s interests, such man is not quite ready to allow a partner into his own life and join into his life.

2. Not to keep pledge

Implementation of undertaken promises (both big and small) serves another criterion of one’s readiness “to be one whole with a partner”.

3. To make decisions without consulting a partner

Sometimes one does not realize he is preparing to part with a partner. Made decisions and plans which a partner is not devoted in can testify to this. For example, one of partners negotiates about changing of job, move in other city, prepares to the trip, without telling a partner about it. All this can serve a sign that one of partners is already tuned in to parting unconsciously.

4. To have no respect

Absence of respect can be shown in different ways. For example, there are people who consider that a partner needs to be educated firstly, correcting things his parents failed to do. They constantly check and remedy a partner (”do not talk on the phone too much”), make decisions for him (”I registered you in a section, because you are too fat”), impose him their own conceipts of happiness, and push him slightly to proper actions (”you need to complete a course of psychotherapy). Some people demonstrate their partner that they do not respect his intellectual capabilities (”you will not understand’”), doubt in his capabilities (”I will do it instead of you, you do this too slowly”), treat their partner’s tastes irreverently (”how can you listen to such music”).

6. Relations are moved aside on a background

If relations are not in the first place, when work, children, parents, obligations in front of other people appear more important, than a partner’s desires and necessities, - then it is not necessary to talk about loyalty between partners.

7. Sense of uncertainty and absence of freedom

Do you feel yourself freely and confidently with your partner? Can you say your opinion to him, not fearing he will reduce you to powder after it? Can you show him your irritation, not fearing his reaction? Can you go on an evening-party, to meet with friends, get busy with your hobbies? If a partner grumbles here, takes offence, gets irritated, angered, then there is no confidence and freedom in your relations.

8. Principle distinctions in life philosophy

If one of partners is a homester, and other likes to spend time in a noisy company, then permanent conflicts and frictions can happen here. But this should not lead to the collapse of relations. Compromises are always possible. Other business, if partners have crucially different living positions. For example, if one of partners wants to have children, and other do not want this; or if a husband considers his wife should give up her career and devote herself to house and kids, and a wife does not agree with this, then so serious distinctions make relationships rather problematic.

9. Absence of community

If partners have nothing in common, except for joint anxieties about children, then prognosis for joint life is very bad. Opposite, if beside children partners are linked with joint going in for sports, mutual friends, joint fascinations or, for example, interest to policy, then they are connected by something bigger, than external pressure and duties.

10. Physical alienation and distance

If partners no longer want to touch each other, hold each other’s hand, or one disgusts another, and this disgust is even caused by a partner’s smell, then it is a sign that you need to part.

If you have a subzero answer on many questions at once, then you should think seriously about expedience of relationship continuation. But before to undertake serious actions, it is necessary to ask yourself once again: “What I have done, what we have done, to rescue our relations? What did I do, to stay?”